Connecting to the Disconnected: Creative Approaches for Building Rapport with Teens
But I can’t compete with Social Media…
It’s no surprise that as teens become more plugged into the online world, it’s harder to get them to plug into therapy. Counselors, especially those working with adolescents, often face the challenge of competing for attention with TikTok trends, YouTube influencers, and constant pings from social feeds. But here’s the truth: we’re not meant to compete—we’re meant to connect.
Connection isn’t about being cooler than an app or knowing the latest dance challenge. It’s about showing teens that what matters to them matters to us. Building rapport with adolescents isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a cornerstone of effective therapy. Research shows that therapeutic alliance is a major predictor of both retention and positive outcomes in adolescent counseling (Bennett et al., 2017). So how do we bridge the gap between clinical intention and digital distraction?
Here are some evidence-informed, trauma-informed strategies that help you meet teens where they are—without judgment, pressure, or performance.
🎧 Connect Through Music
Music is the emotional language of this generation. Ask your teen client what’s currently on their playlist, who their favorite artist is, and why those lyrics resonate. If they’re comfortable, invite them to play a track or two in session. You’ll learn more about their internal world in three verses than you might in three hours of conversation.
When teens feel safe enough to share their music, they’re giving you a backstage pass to their emotional life. That’s sacred. Treat it as such.
🎨 Connect Through Emotion (Creatively)
Teens often don’t have the vocabulary—or safety—to express exactly what they’re feeling. Instead of pushing for answers, try checking in creatively. Invite them to describe their emotional state using:
Colors (“What color matches how you’re feeling today?”)
Vehicles (“If your mood were a car, what would it be and why?”)
Animals, movie characters, or song titles
These metaphors bypass the verbal brain and speak directly to the emotional one. They also give teens a way to explore their inner world without fear of judgment.
📱 Connect Through Technology (Intentionally)
If tech is part of the challenge, it can also be part of the solution. Incorporating well-designed apps like Stigma, Moodtrack, Calm, Happify, or DBT Skills Card Deck offers teens a private, personal way to track their mood, practice mindfulness, or learn coping skills—without it feeling like therapy homework.
Instead of resisting their connection to screens, redirect it into something healing.
🧩 Connect with What Matters to Them
True rapport isn’t built by pulling a trick out of your clinician’s toolbox—it’s built by noticing what lights them up. If your client loves animals, invite them to bring a pet to session. If they’re into sports, brush up on game highlights so you can talk shop. If they’re into art, make space on the floor for a vision board or emotional collage.
Whatever their thing is, honor it. Show interest in who they are beyond their pain—and you’ll earn the trust you need to help them move through it.
✨ Final Thought
The best way to “compete” with social media isn’t to become more entertaining—it’s to become more attuned. Connection always wins. And when you take the time to enter a teen’s world with curiosity and care, you’re not just building rapport—you’re creating a bridge to healing.
The most important aspect of working with adolescents is to connect with the things that are important to them. If it’s a certain sport, read up about that sport and get to know the latest “news”. If it’s the arts, get in the floor and help them create a vision boards. If it’s animals, invite them to bring their pet into a session. Invest in them and they will invest in the process! Happy connecting!
References
Bennett, E. D., Lee, K., Lindahl, K., Wharton, S., & Mark, T. W. (2017). Five Out of the
Box Techniques for Encouraging Teenagers to Engage in Counseling. Retrieved June 6, 2018
https://www.counseling.org/docs/default-source/vistas/encouraging-teenagers.pdf?sfvrsn=4