Helping Your Teen After A Breakup
Healing After Heartache..
There’s no heartbreak quite like the first one. Whether it lasted a few weeks or a few years, whether your teen is 13 or 18, the grief feels all-consuming—and very real. As a parent, watching your teen crumble under the weight of emotional pain can stir up helplessness, worry, and even frustration. But this moment isn’t about fixing—it’s about supporting with presence, not pressure. In this post, we’ll walk you through trauma-informed ways to support your teen in the raw hours and days after a breakup—without overwhelming them, minimizing their experience, or rushing their healing. Because how you show up now matters more than what you say.
So your teen just experienced her first heartache.. Read these tips below on ways to be supportive in the days that follow…
Hear Them Out... Allow them to talk, cry, question, shut down temporarily, yell, and cry some more if needed…Uninterrupted... It hurts.. It's painful.. It doesn't matter whether or not this is a 13-year-old or an 18-year-old who was engaged. Pain is pain.. And all pain feels personal to the one experiencing it, and all pain feels punitive at the time. Crying allows the nervous system to release calming chemicals, such as oxytocin (the bonding hormone).
Save Your Advice Unless Solicited... Yes, as parents, we are experts on this, to an extent, as we have already been there and done that; however, this is not the time to share your wisdom unless asked. Your teen just wants to be seen, heard, and validated.. There will be a time for you to share all of your epic experiences and learned lessons later… Some will want that experience in the moment. Others may just want you to listen and validate the experience.
3. Give Them Space... Space for a teen doesn't always indicate depression or danger.. Some need to pull away and reflect on themselves to figure it out, or talk to their friends, or veg out on Netflix. If it lingers for more than a few days and there are no signs of progress, then you can become concerned. Otherwise, check in on them and offer them comfort (in whatever form they prefer), and let them know you are there for them.
4. Respect Privacy... Parents can grieve during break-ups too; however, this is not a cause for a Facebook post or expressing how much you will miss so and so, nor is it the time to attack the one who broke your teen’s heart. Remember the importance of the first two on this list...
5. Anything Goes In the First 24 Hrs... Maybe your teen will want to hang close to you… let them... Maybe your teen will want to hang out with friends… let them. Perhaps your teen would like to have ice cream and watch a funny movie… Let them. Maybe your teen will want to go outside and shoot hoops… Let them. We are all wired a little differently, and that means what works well for you may be different from what works for your teen.